Hakuna MO-tata, what a wonderful phrase. It means no facial hair for the first of thirty days.
Dear friends of Esports Insider,
I would first off like to apologise for the awful pun found above – but it wouldn’t be a terrible editorial by Ollie Ring if it didn’t have some half-arsed attempt at humour that is actually not funny at all.
Secondly – I would like to say thank you to those who have shown great support for our pub quiz already! I’ve always wanted to organise an esports themed pub quiz and so it seemed like the perfect time to do so for Movember UK. Note: if you haven’t already booked your spot, we’re nearing 80% capacity so please get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org.
We’ve always been supporters of charity here at Esports Insider, with Special Effect quite often being our official charity partners at ESI Forums or at bigger events like ESI London or the ESI Super Forum. We partnered with Movember last year, and they do so much great work all year round that I encourage you to learn more about the exceptional work that they do.
This year I decided that we’re going to be more aggressive in our fundraising efforts. We’re going to combine what we do best – content and events – with a great charitable cause and hopefully smash our initial target of £2,500. In addition, I’ve managed to make the whole team partake in the classic Movember grow a ‘tache challenge. It’s definitely easier for me than it is for others as my negligent fluff is normally down to laziness than trying to look good with facial hair. The whining in our Discord told me all I need to know about how other members of the team feel about losing their beloved face-fluff.
Without further ado – let’s introduce the squad:
Nathan, the baby faced assassin:
Nathan, sitting at just 12 years old, is ESI’s youngest member of the MO team. He’s never grown a single piece of facial hair and doesn’t know what a razor blade is.
Still, I thought I would include him so he didn’t feel left out. I couldn’t figure out how to rotate his photo so can only apologise.
Cody, creator of gambling reports:
One would have thought that writing about a topic for mature audiences such as gambling that the man behind the piece would be sporting a full beard.
Alas, all I’ve found out about Cody is that he might develop some sort of fluff over the next 30 days.
If I was a gambling man and was writing an ESI gambling report about Movember – I would put Cody in behind Nathan for the worst ‘tache come the end of November.
Ducky, esteemed Rocket League captain and motivational speaker:
Ducky normally sports a fairly full beard as he turns up events looking somewhat bedraggled and like he’s only just emerged from a seemingly everlasting slumber.
Now it’s gone. He wasn’t happy about it, but credit where credit’s due – he now looks presentable and might be allowed back on camera behind the Rocket League team at Gfinity.
He might also get asked for ID when buying a lottery ticket now though.
Fitch, the lean-mean news machine and champion of pink hats:
Fitch has had a meteoric rise to fame in esports – going from zero articles to 156,913,313 in just a matter of months as editors continue to doubt whether he’s man or machine.
Adam probably kicked up the biggest fuss about shaving his beard, implying it might ruin his chances on Tinder.
Come on mate, you write esports news for a living – you’ve ruined your own chances and a beard ain’t helping you there son. And even then, you still have stubble so you’ve half cheated.
Mantle-piece, the fresh-faced young buck new to esports:
You only have to look at Marky’s cheeky smile and glistening chin to figure out that Mark’s new to this esports malark.
Not jaded at all from organising events and helping grow the ESI brand, he’s just delighted to be beard-less.
In all seriousness, what a transformation. I got a lot of hate mail from him during the process but it’s a cracking effort.
P.S, if Mark messages you asking you for a hat instead of a donation – please tell him where to stick it.
Cookey-dough, winner of actual worst photo submitted:
Would you know that this man basically runs the business? No neither would I.
This was taken minutes after he asked a hotel reception in Taiwan if they had a gym and they handed him a jar of jam.
He told me to put his photo under Mark’s so he can be staring up at his beautiful face and so I did.
Last Movember he bottled it half way through so he better not do the same this time around or i’ll not be responsible for my actions.
Ollie, captain, leader, legend:
I can’t really grow facial hair either and I also have a rotated photo to stand with Nathan.
Captain, Leader, Legend – please refrain from @ me.
Sean Carr, the most useless of b*stards:
He only just sent me this photo so he’s at the bottom of the list and earns the title of most useless b*stard.
He’s off on his holiday this week, so can’t throw anything at me from across the office. Please make sure you hurl abuse at him at any available opportunity.